Update on my mom, Dottie, who is living with Alzheimer’s and heart disease
Thank you for your prayers, loving thoughts and concern for my mom. I have read everyone’s comments to her and she is truly moved by your support. You are all very courageous.
Mom is doing quite well. Hospice has improved her life significantly. This is quite contrary to what I had imagined what hospice would mean. Hospice allows us to treat her in the comfort of her home, spares her from several days in the hospital being poked, tested, kept awake and totally disoriented; and she improves much more quickly with far less disorientation. She has had four episodes since hospice began about 4 weeks ago. The most recent was just an hour ago.
Every time she has an episode I am brought to tears. I don’t even have words to describe the tumult of feelings that come up, but they include intense sadness, a weak-kneed feeling of helplessness that also feels crippling, and sublime gratitude for the opportunity I have to BE here for her, and knowing I have so much support in doing so.
As I write a book about finding a place to connect to the earth, our family and friends, and each other, I am awe-stuck to find myself living what I am writing about. Again, I cannot find words for exactly how the two relate, but I trust the words will come and so enhance the pages of the book. My book coach said that the book would write me and that is exactly what I am finding.
I just checked on mom. She is sleeping soundly. It feels hard to go on with life, but then I recall the look of joy in mom’s face when I bring her some apple juice to wash down the taste of the morphine I just gave her and I find strength to take another step. I would like to think that as she takes more steps towards death, I take more steps to life.
Again, I thank you for all of your support. You are all with us. I share this with you because I know that dying is core of our human experience. We live our lives fearing death, and yet, when death comes knocking we have no choice but to answer. Death is knocking on all of our doors and all of us are answering. Each of you has answered by holding us in your hearts; pain, love, sadness, fear and all. And that is why I call you courageous. I am grateful for your friendship.
Thinking about your Mom. We are here for you John.